


With Time, the Darkness Fades

by Egotistylecal



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Gay, Homosexuality, Love, M/M, Romance, Sex, larry stylinson - Freeform, one direction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-04
Updated: 2014-12-11
Packaged: 2018-02-28 04:25:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2718680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Egotistylecal/pseuds/Egotistylecal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With each passing day, Harry had become increasingly consumed by his resentment towards Louis; his ill feelings festered away inside him, like poison, and made a home within his heart. His insides had darkened, hardened, and the idea of love had become completely unrecognisable to him. For a long time, Harry had wished for nothing more than for the silence between him and Louis to become permanent, because he knew, when the time comes for them to reunite, he would probably end up making all of the same mistakes again.</p><p>After a ten month hiatus, One Direction are forced to reunite and Harry and Louis have no choice but face up to the issues that had plagued them just a year earlier. After so many months of silence, will things be different between them or will Harry and Louis go back down the familiar path of destruction and anguish? With the future of the band hanging the balance, everything depends one thing. Forgiveness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One.

It was 11:13am and Harry Styles lay motionless in his king size bed, staring up at the ceiling. Outside the mid-day sun shone brightly, but Harry was cocooned in a heavy darkness; with the curtains drawn and doors closed, it was only the constant tick of the Quartz clock that connected the young man to the rest of the world. Each tick was a constant reminder that time stops for no one. Not even Harry Styles. For weeks, he had been dreading the arrival of this day and had willed, with every fibre in his body, for time to stop- to save him from the realities he would soon have to face. But alas, the seconds turned to minutes and minutes routinely slipped to hours and all of Harry’s wishing did nothing to stop the days passing. Consequently, as the clock ticked away, Harry lay frozen on his mattress wondering how on earth he will find it within himself to face reality.

Maybe I should turn on my phone, he thought, but didn’t move. He knew that he would likely find multiple, angry voicemail messages on his phone and lengthy texts from management and his band mates demanding to know his whereabouts. The thought of it made his stomach churn. Despite the artificial darkness in his room, Harry knew that it was no longer night, and he was late. Late was something he rarely was, he took pride in being punctual but, on that day he just could not find the courage the face the person he had been away from for so long.

He was going to be re-united with Louis. And, he was scared. Crippled.

It had been almost a year since Harry had been in Louis’ company. A fact that both boys would have once found unbelievable. They used to be close, too close some thought. But never close enough- not for Harry at least.

With an exasperated sigh, Harry pushed his eyes shut and shook his head. His thoughts were becoming intolerable, he was tired and growing frustrated with the way his mind taunted him. Memories that he had strategically forgotten, were flooding back in flashes and he hated how the thought of Louis lips still made his heart jump, despite everything that had happened.

“Fuck”. Harry muttered, before finally deciding to pull himself together and face the day. Throwing his legs over the side of the bed, he sat crouched, rubbing his face with his palms. What the hell am I going to do? He questioned internally. Harry had seldom spoken to Niall, Liam and Zayn, during the bands hiatus, and had instead been finding himself and exploring life with a new circle of friends. He had missed them, but couldn’t bare the way the others boys reminded him of Louis. In a bid to avoid the pain that automatically came with thinking of _him_ , Harry had shut himself off from all things One Direction and unfortunately that included the guys. Unsurprisingly, the media hadn’t fail to pick up on this and magazines were rife with rumours of Harry’s departure from the group. In light of this, he knew turning up late to the first reunion meeting was not going to look good.

Harry, made his way over to the window and pulled open the curtains only to be momentarily blinded by the mid-august sunshine. He rubbed his eyes before forcing himself to find, and switch on his black Iphone which sat dormant inside his bedside draw, buried by notebooks, loose papers and other junk. In anticipation for the bands reunion, Liam had been sending messages in a group chat with the all the boys the night before, expressing his excitement to see everyone again and begin work on the new album. It had all been too much for Harry, who hadn’t responded to Liam’s efforts and in a moment of weakness, had switched the phone off and shoved it to the bottom of the draw.

With shaking hands, Harry stood anxiously waiting for the inevitable voicemail notifications and texts to come through. As expected, the phone vibrated endlessly and the messages from last night’s group chat flooded his inbox. Harry felt sick and threw the phone on to the bed. I’ll read them later maybe, he resolved… I wonder if Louis said anything to me. The idea made his heart skip, but not in a good way. Harry wasn’t sure whether he wanted Louis to acknowledge him or not. He had spent almost a year trying to live as though his once best friend no longer existed and a large part of him still wished that he would never have to see the older boy ever again. However, as Harry had been lying motionless in bed, he couldn’t deny that there was a drop of nervous excitement niggling away inside him. He hated it. He hated how after all that had happened between he and Louis, after all the time and distance that they had put between each other, he was still victim to the same nervous excitement that had started the entire affair.

Sighing again, he begun to dress. Black skinny jeans, white t-shirt and brown chelsea boots. An outfit Harry was able to feel quietly confident in. In the mirror, his reflected into the sunlight, he looked effortless handsome. While the thin white t-shirt hung loosely off his broad shoulders, the familiar black denim was airtight against his legs, and hugged every crevice of his lean, muscular limbs. He was Modelesque.

While the tattooed Harry fiddled with his attire, he unintentionally allowed his thoughts to drift over to Louis. He was beginning to wonder if maybe he should wear something a little more, sophisticated…grown up. Harry wasn’t aware of just how vehemently Louis loved the way the younger boy looked in skinny jeans. He didn’t know just how Louis chest would burn with desire as appreciated the way the denim would reveal every curve and crevice of the boy’s limbs. It was true, Louis would marvel at how the tightness of the jeans exaggerated the broadness of Harry’s shoulders and he often wondered how clothing so feminine could make the boy look so _masculine._

Before Harry was able fully reconsider his outfit, his phone started to vibrate once more from the bed, causing him to jump, startled. ‘Shit’ he mumbled and grabbed the device. ‘Simon’ flashed on the screen and his palms tingled; he decided to ignore the call and threw the phone back onto the bed. As the deafening sound of vibrations filled the silence, Harry slumped onto the floor, where he crouched, overwhelmed once more for what seemed like an eternity.

\-- --

It was past 3pm when Harry arrived at the office block. He hadn’t responded to the many calls he had received from either his management or band mates and wondered whether they would even still be there. As he entered the understated, north London building he felt his stomach begin to churn and his hands tremble. ‘Pull yourself together!’ he mentally scalded, wishing he could go back to convincing himself he didn’t give a shit. Approaching the desk, he cleared his throat and asked the receptionist whether she knew if the One Direction conference was ongoing. Internally, a large part of Harry continued to hope that he had missed the meetings and his band mates had long since dispersed. There was however, a tiny part of him which ate away inside, eager to see Louis and the boys. He wanted to know whether the ten month hiatus had served its purpose. I might see him and actually feel _nothing,_ he contemplated hopefully. ‘But, what If...’ The trail of thought was cut short by the receptionist.

“You’ll find them in room five, on the second floor. I believe they’re expecting you.” The woman smiled, her thick eyebrows raising underneath her fringe.

“Thank you” Harry replied simply, offering a small nod before heading over to the staircase. As he slowly climbed, he was hyper aware of the fact that each step he took was bringing him closer and closer to facing his fear. The man he had once proclaimed love for. The one he had given everything to. His best friend, his enemy. The one person in the world who could simultaneously make him want to dance and cry. Louis.

He reached the final step and paced cautiously through the corridor, his ears were sensitive to the sound of his boots against the wooden floor. His ears were ringing and his heart thumped chaotically in his chest. ‘2…3….4….’ he counted down the door numbers, before arriving at number 5, where he stood with wide eyes. The door to that particular room had a large window and Harry could see his band mates inside, talking, smiling, and laughing among each other. While Simon was nowhere to be seen, Harry could just about make out a couple of other members of his management team in the corner of the large room.

In that moment, stood outside the room staring in at his band mates, a thought crossed Harry’s mind. ‘They don’t need me in the band’. His mind briefly considered how much easier it might be if he just quit, and continued with his new life outside of the circus that is One Direction. He watched as the boys were deep in discussion, Niall leaning back in his seat with his hands rested on the chair arms, eyes wide nodding enthusiastically to Liam who was gesticulating animatedly. Harry’s green eyes drifted over to Zayn, whose back was facing the door; He couldn’t see Zayn’s face but he could tell the young man was chuckling quietly, by the gentle movement of his shoulders. ‘They could do fine without me…they don’t even look like any less of a band’ the voice inside Harry’s mind pressed. But, before the young man could contemplate further, Louis appeared in view, a white polystyrene cup in hand as he headed over to a member of modest management a small smile gracing his thin lips.

For a second, Harry’s heart stopped and he could almost feel each muscle in his body tense up as though seeking protection from the rush of emotion that was to enviably follow. Shivers, made their way up his spine and he felt sick. He wanted to run but he couldn’t move, his eyes were fixated, hungry. Louis’ hair was longer than it was the last time Harry had seen him, thin locks fell wayward behind his ears and down his neck. His fridge, unkempt was flicked back, exposing the whole of his forehead. Although Harry couldn’t quite see Louis’ eyes, he was sure they looked greyer, duller. His cheeks were hollower than Harry remembered, his skin paler. ‘He’s changed’ the young man concluded, unsure of how to feel. Harry wasn’t sure if it was the change in Louis’ appearance or the way his movements were more…considered, careful, that made his once friend look older, tired.

Nodding along in conversation, Louis stood with one arm crossed over his chest while the other held the small polystyrene cup in mid-air. Unable to stop staring, Harry assessed the thin coat of stubble which now graced Louis’ chin. ‘He’s actually able to grow facial hair now’, Harry revered, his mouth tightened so that his lips formed a thin line. The tiny hairs that graced Louis’ cheeks stood as a simple reminder of how much time had passed between them, they had both grown, the remnants of boyishness that had remained within them just ten months ago, had long since disappeared. Harry wasn’t sure what to make of it all. He didn’t even want to have an opinion, it wasn’t his place anymore.

Though the young man had been standing outside the door for less than thirty seconds, it felt as though hours had passed and he became suddenly conscious of how it would look if anyone glanced up and saw him. ‘This is it, I’ve got to do this. I _can_ do this.’ He blinked slowly, his eyelashes fluttering against the top of his cheek as he inhaled deeply through his nose. The oxygen flooded his brain causing him to feel a little light headed. ‘He is my past’ Harry whispered inaudibly while reaching for the door handle. His damp, bear like hands gripped the handle and with one swift turn, the door clicked open and suddenly, Harry had countless eyes on him. The room fell silent and despite abruptly becoming the center of everyone’s attention, there was only one pair of eyes Harry could feel burning into him and he couldn’t bring himself to meet the gaze.


	2. Two

“Harry,” Liam had said, with an air of disbelief in his tone. “You came.” His eyebrows lifted upon his forehead, matching the hint of surprise in his words. Harry stood awkwardly near the door, which had clicked shut behind him. ‘Whatever you do, do not look at him’ Harry told himself, his eyes focused only on Niall, Liam and Zayn. Louis was stood on the opposite side of the room, having lost all interest in his former conversation, he watched Harry, transfixed. 

“Yeah.” Harry nodded slowly, his head too stiff to look natural. He used every bit of self-control he had to stay focused on Liam and not look over at Louis. “I, uh, over slept.” He lied, breaking eye contact. Ignoring the dishonesty, Liam moved closer to the Harry, Niall and Zayn in toe, and pulled the young man into a tight embrace. 

“It’s so good to see you,” Niall remarked genuinely, squeezing Harry’s arm as Liam pulled away. “We thought you’d ditched us for good!” He added jokingly, but through the thick Irish accent Harry detected a tinge of anxiety in his tone. Although it had gone undiscussed, the possibility of Harry quitting the band had for months been a genuine concern to the other four boys.

“Not just yet.” Harry replied, laughing gently so not to reveal how much he was considering doing just that. Quitting. As he stood shyly, surrounded by the three boys he used to call his brothers, Harry couldn’t help but feel disconnected. Since One Direction had parted ways ten months ago, Harry had changed, grown up, hardened; he had experienced new things, new emotions and had, most importantly he thought, freed himself of the naivety that used to dwell within him. All of this had occurred away from his band mates and as a result, it felt as though time had placed a wedge between them. 

“Styles” Zayn sang interrupting Harry’s thoughts; he dragging the name out affectionately, a smile forming gently between his cheeks. Zayn too looked thinner than Harry remembered, slightly gaunt but no less familiar. “Where’s my hug ay?” the pretty boy prompted, saving everyone from any further talk of break ups. Harry had always appreciated the way he never had to explain anything to Zayn, he always just got it. To the side, Liam and Niall resumed their conversation and let Harry and Zayn greet each other properly. The boy’s slapped hands and pulled each other in to a comforting embrace and Harry’s green eyes slipped shut as he squeezed his friend fastidiously. 

“’S been too long,” He murmured into Zayn’s hair. The words were more of an acknowledgement of his failure as a friend, an apology for all the times he didn’t make contact. 

“Yeah,” Zayn responded, understandingly. 

As they embraced, Harry lost himself in the comfort of Zayn’s hug. There were so many things to be said, so many apologies to be made but in that moment, Harry just felt grateful that the guys hadn’t attacked him for his obvious attempts to cut them from his life during the bands break. ‘I’ll have to talk to them eventually…’ he reasoned with himself, ‘just, not yet’. 

Pulling out of the embrace, Harry’s eyes drifted open and he found himself looking directly at Louis. His stomach flipped and his heart started to race making the back of his neck tingle. Their eyes locked into each other, uncertainly. Staring in to the depths of Louis’ blue eyes brought it all back for Harry, the sadness, the anger, the disappointment…the attraction. In the second their eyes met, Harry could make out Louis’ pupils dilating, the way they had the last time they had been face to face. 

Playing back the moment in his head, Harry’s eyebrows twitched with the pain of the memory and his jaw clenched involuntarily. He recalled how they had been hurtling abuse at one another, foul words falling from their lips like vomit. The younger male had sworn that he never wanted to see or hear from his best friend- lover, again and he had meant it. 

“You’re dead to me.” Harry had cursed, staring level into Louis eyes, his lips shaking from the magnitude of the statement. He observed as Louis registered what had been said; he watched as if in slow motion, the moment the older boy’s eyes widened, pupils blackening with surprise and hurt.  
As they stood before each other ten months later, circumstances had changed but the feelings had not. Louis lips parted a little, as he searched for something appropriate to say from across the room. Feeling sick, Harry broke the gaze, not wanting to hear anything Louis had to offer. He shook his head vaguely, his thick curls brushing against his neck, and refocused on Zayn who was standing in front of him making small talk. 

It was unclear to Harry how long he spent conversing with Liam and Zayn, as his mind was stuck on Louis; the image of this ex-lovers his blue eyes and dainty, tired features had painted itself in his mind. And, despite his best efforts, Harry couldn’t control the tiny sparks of excitement and attraction that began to reawaken within him. It was as though parts of his heart were reawakening underneath the black cover of resentment and pain that had engulfed it for so long. From the other side of the room, Harry could hear Niall and Louis laughing away with two obscure members of modest. Louis’ laugh was forced, empty. 

‘I wonder what they’re laughing at…’ A small voice questioned within Harry’s mind as he began to feel self-conscious. He hoped Louis hadn’t been able to see straight through his attempt at keeping a straight face when they had made contact. ‘I hope he couldn’t see how much he affected me,’ the young man prayed, subconsciously raising his hand and running his palm through his thick brown hair. 

“Harry” A woman called from the doorway, her small head popped out from behind the frame. “Can we have a moment please?” Her hand gestured for the young man to come over and her painted nails caught in the sunlight. He happily obliged.  
Louis watched enthralled as Harry hurriedly stepped out of the room; from behind, he was able to admire the clear curve of his bandmates’ thighs beneath the skin tight denim. He hungrily admired the view, his crotch twitching unashamedly. Having lost all interest in his conversation, Louis allowed thoughts of Harry fill his consciousness as he watched his ex-lover leave the room. 

It took only seconds for the sexual thoughts slip from his mind, and Louis found himself focussing on his other feelings. As he stood waiting for Harry to return he couldn’t help but feel anxious, excited, scared and disappointed all at once. While these emotions were not new to Louis, he would seldom acknowledge them; during the bands hiatus, the older band member had for months gone to great lengths to avoid facing up to just how scared and sad he was about Harry’s silence. However, in the moment he had made eye contact with his former flame, Louis could no longer fight the emotions that had been haunting him. 

Staring cautiously into Harry’s emerald pupils, Louis couldn’t pretend not notice how unaffected Harry was. He didn’t recognise the straightness of Harry’s face, or the cold hard lines that formed around his clenched jaw. There had been no excitement behind the young man’s eyes, no love and it scared Louis, terrified him. Unbeknownst to Harry, Louis had been desperate to see him again and had convinced himself that when they came face to face again, things would inevitably fall back into place- like they always did. However, as they had stood barely ten meters apart staring into each-other’s eyes intently, it became instantly clear to Louis that that was not to be the case. Instead, it seemed that the distance he had hoped would remedy Harry’s anger had done nothing but encourage him to lose interest. He hadn’t prepared himself for that. 

“When is he going to come back?” Louis questioned, as he anxiously stared at the door. He was aware of how painfully obvious his longing was but he couldn't bring himself to be more subtle. The polystyrene cup had fallen victim to the boy’s agitation as he chewed his way around the rim nervously. As if on cue, Louis caught sight of Harry through the window of the door and his heart jumped in fear and relief. ‘He’s so…tall...’ Louis gaped slyly, making sure to look away as the young man stepped into the room. 

“I’m just going to run to the gents,” Niall said quietly, nudging Louis to get his attention. “Are you going to be alright?” 

“Huh... yeah. Go.” Louis responded vacantly, not realising that Niall had been making an effort to keep him company since Harry’s return. As Louis had been watching his former lover, he had failed to hear Niall’s multiple attempts to include him in the conversation, the careful jokes he had been making to lift the air in the room. 

As Niall slumped out of the room, Louis’ eyes slipped back to Harry who had returned to Liam and Zayn; he towered over them despite his characteristic slouch. From behind, Louis was able to admire just how the white cotton clung to Harry’s shoulders, hugging the muscles before falling delicately around his torso.  
‘It can’t be natural for someone to grow that quickly in less than a year.’ Louis’ eyebrows furrowed on his forehead as he goggled at Harry who stood before him, unaware. As the initial sparks of lust began to subside, the hint of fear started to once again niggle away at the back of Louis’ mind. He barely recognised the man in front of him, when they had parted ways ten months previous Louis had known every inch of the young man’s skin and known every detail of his face. Louis had revelled in the fact that he got to experience sides of Harry that others would never know of, and that brought him a degree of comfort; a sense of control. 

As he studied the young man standing before him however, Louis didn’t recognise the person he once called his best friend, his lover. Harry was so much more than he used to be. Bigger, taller -more muscular, more manly….sexier. It was as though everything about Harry had been bettered, puberty had finished moulding the boy and had crafted him into the image of perfection. His eyes seemed brighter, greener, his hair thicker more shiny. His skin had cleared and had distinct glow, making Louis want to run his fingers across the tan cheeks. It astonished him how attractive Harry was and it didn’t seem possible that he could ever have looked any better. 

Terrifyingly for Louis, he no longer had any claim over the young man beauty and he couldn’t pretend that he hadn’t noticed how uninterested Harry had appeared in him when their eyes had met earlier. Disinterested was never something Louis would have been able to describe Harry as in the past. Harry had always wanted him.  
Looking away from the object of his desires, Louis headed to the water machine. As he refilled the chewed up polystyrene cup, he caught sight of his reflection in the sun tinted window. Unlike Harry, he had not flourished during their time apart but had instead wilted away like a dying flower. His face was littered with off blonde stubble, his cheeks hollow and eyes red from a lack of sleep. His messy hair fell loosely around his ears and he couldn’t help but feel insignificant compared to Harry who was able to look sexy and sophisticated without trying.

“Guys” a familiar voice called from behind; Louis turned to see Simon standing in the middle of the room with a group of other vaguely familiar people. “We need to get ready for our conference with the American label.” Simon and Harry looked directly each other as a woman began to explain the purpose of the meeting. There was an intensity to their body language, and a strange expression on their faces. Louis wondered what they had been discussing outside; he had never seen Simon look so obviously affected. 

“Right, are we all ready to make our way into the next room?” The blonde woman called, more of a demand than a question. Everyone began to shuffle, gathering their belongings before making their way out of the room. Louis followed behind Liam quietly, wishing he could get out of the conference. He hated how the former meetings that morning had all been so tedious, every detail had been meticulously discussed in order to ensure the record has ‘maximum impact’. There was only one thing on 

Louis’ mind and it had little to do with music.  
As the rest of the group made their way into a smaller room a few doors down the corridor, Louis dropped behind as he noticed Harry and Simon hadn’t followed him out of the room. Curiously, he wondered back down the hall way, his converse squeaking against the wooden floor tiles. 

‘What they’re doing in there?’ Louis wondered, desperate to feed his curiosity. ‘There’s definitely something not quite right between them.’ As he approached the room, he stood back so not to allow himself to get spotted. 

From an angle, Louis could see Harry’s profile; he and Simon appeared to be focused intently on each other, discussing something with a level of seriousness that made the onlooker uncomfortable. Their heated whispers were difficult to make out and Louis moved closer to door which had remained partially open upon his exit. 

“That’s absurd!” Simon interrupted incredulously. Louis couldn’t see his managers face, but from the side, Harry’s expression twisted with dissatisfaction. 

“I’m not asking you Simon.” The young man responded stiffly, Louis stole another peek, his heart beat echoing in his ears. Harry’s jaw was clenched as he stared at Simon. There was a moment of silence and Louis was desperate to know what was happening but didn’t want to risk stealing another glance. His hands felt clammy as he waited for the quiet to be broken.

“Look…” Simon retorted, his hushed voice sounding slightly more resigned. “You can’t leave. This band wouldn’t survive without you…” his voice trailed off and Louis froze, winded with shock as he finally registered what they were discussing. The words rang in Louis’ ears and a rush of panicked thoughts swam around in his head. 

“…you’re still contracted to produce two more albums…” Simon continued tactfully.  
Louis wanted to jump up and rush into the room and demand that Harry snap out of it; wrap his hands around the younger boy’s shoulders and shake those ideas out of him. But he knew he couldn’t, he didn’t have that right to. Instead, he should have be rushing in to apologise and trying with all his might to make things between them better. 

‘This is all my fault’ he breathed, ‘I caused this.’ Louis straightened up and stared into the office regretfully, not caring if either Simon or Harry caught sight of him. He watched momentarily as Harry and Simon faced each other, dueling with words. 

‘If I hadn’t slept with his sister, none of this would be happening…’ With that thought, Louis turned on his heel and rushed down the stairs and into the thick august heat, his lungs screamed for fresh air while his mind gagged for nicotine. Louis wanted something, anything to ease the pain of reality.


End file.
